The Week That Was, In VerseBy KEVIN ROOSE
A poetic look at the top news stories of the week:
David Einhorn’s Poker Loss, a haiku
Greenlight’s card shark chief
Busts like a cheap umbrella
Next stop: homelessness?
Apollo’s Josh Harris Buys The Sixers, a limerick
A big private equity king
Took Philly’s team under his wing
A big playoff rout
Would help him block out
His belly-up Linens-n-Things
Wall Street’s Lobbyist, a cinquain
Starts Finance U.
Tells Congress, “I’m not here
to tell you how to legislate.”
Sing, o muse, of EPS and such
Each quarter when the big banks pay their calls
A balance sheet can obfuscate so much
And CFOs can spin tales oh so tall.
But journalists with early-morning shifts
Sit waiting in their cubicles, alert
Until the press release drops from on high
O joy! O glorious day! The spirit lifts!
They happily dig up the earnings dirt,
Then think about what life’s become, and cry.