The Week That Was, In Verse From a hedge fund manager's bad (poker) bet, to a lobbyist in ostrich leather cowboy boots, to a private equity Philly team, a poetic look at the week's top news stories.

July 15, 2011, 4:49 pmHedge Funds

The Week That Was, In Verse

By KEVIN ROOSE

Ethan Miller/Getty Images, Daniel Rosenbaum for The New York Times, Matt Slocum/Associated Press and Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg News Clockwise from top left: David Einhorn, Steve Bartlett, Ben Wallace and Jamie Dimon.

A poetic look at the top news stories of the week:

David Einhorn’s Poker Loss, a haiku

Greenlight’s card shark chief
Busts like a cheap umbrella
Next stop: homelessness?

Apollo’s Josh Harris Buys The Sixers, a limerick

A big private equity king
Took Philly’s team under his wing
A big playoff rout
Would help him block out
His belly-up Linens-n-Things

Wall Street’s Lobbyist, a cinquain

Bartlett
Starts Finance U.
Tells Congress, “I’m not here
to tell you how to legislate.”
O RLY?

Ode to Bank Earnings Season

Sing, o muse, of EPS and such
Each quarter when the big banks pay their calls
A balance sheet can obfuscate so much
And CFOs can spin tales oh so tall.
But journalists with early-morning shifts
Sit waiting in their cubicles, alert
Until the press release drops from on high
O joy! O glorious day! The spirit lifts!
They happily dig up the earnings dirt,
Then think about what life’s become, and cry.